Chelsea star Keira Walsh just went on a blistering tirade, slamming the “unacceptable” refereeing during their recent tie against Arsenal. She spoke her mind. She called out authority. I read her quotes and I immediately closed all the blinds in my apartment. You cannot just yell at the referees. The referees control the universe. If you make them angry, they will seek vengeance on all of us.
The Whistleblowers Hold the Power
Referees are petty, vindictive creatures who wear neon shirts and carry whistles. If Walsh makes them mad, they are going to start throwing yellow cards at random civilians. I am terrified that I am going to walk out to get my mail tomorrow, and a man in a black uniform is going to blow a whistle in my ear and hand me a red card for “loitering.” My anxiety is skyrocketing.
I Am Apologizing on Her Behalf
Dear referees of the world: I am sorry. Keira Walsh was just caught up in the heat of the moment. Please do not punish me for her bravery. I will accept whatever calls you make. You say that was a foul? It was a foul. You say the earth is flat? The earth is flat. Just please don’t blow that whistle near my fragile eardrums. I am a coward and I surrender to your authority.
