France Replaced Spain as Number One in FIFA Rankings and My Geography Anxiety is Flaring Up
The new FIFA rankings just came out, and France has officially replaced Spain as the number one team in the world. I don’t know why, but this shift in European power dynamics is giving me severe anxiety. Just when I get comfortable with one country being the best at kicking a sphere, an algorithm updates and suddenly I have to respect a different nation. The instability is maddening.
A Threat to Global Order
Why can’t the rankings just stay the same forever? I hate change. If Spain isn’t number one, what else is a lie? Is the sky still blue? Does gravity still work? France being number one means I have to start worrying about Kylian Mbappé again, and I frankly do not have the emotional bandwidth to process his sprint speed. My brain just immediately shuts down when I see him running down the wing.
The Burden of Points
The FIFA ranking system is just a complicated math equation designed to make me feel stupid. They calculate coefficients and match importance weightings, and I can’t even calculate the tip on a $12 diner tab without using the calculator app on my phone. The sheer volume of data required to track international soccer is going to give me an aneurysm. I am going to boycott France until they let Spain be number one again.
