The Detroit Pistons announced today that their star guard, Cade Cunningham, will be “re-evaluated in one week” following an injury. I am so incredibly jealous of that phrasing. I want a team of highly paid, professional specialists to put me in an MRI machine, look at my life choices, and re-evaluate me. Because currently, my structural integrity as a functioning adult is completely shot.
Waiting for the Results
When Cade gets re-evaluated, they will tell him exactly what is wrong and give him a physical therapy plan to fix it. If someone re-evaluated me, the report would just say, “Subject is severely lacking in serotonin and refuses to stop eating processed cheese. Recommend immediate cessation of all online activities.” I have been broken for years, and the Pistons medical staff is nowhere to be found.
The Dread of One Week
A one-week timeline is terrifying. It’s just enough time to give you hope, but also enough time to let the anxiety fester and rot in your brain. What if the re-evaluation is bad? What if he’s out for the season? What if *I’m* out for the season? I am going to wrap my knees in ace bandages just in case. You can never be too careful. The universe is coming for all of our ligaments.
