The Michigan AD Released a Statement and I Over-Analyzed it Until I Got a Migraine

The Athletic Director at Michigan released a 200-word statement today. I have spent the last four hours parsing it like the Rosetta Stone. Does “evaluating all options” mean they are moving the entire campus to a new state? I don’t know, but my head is pounding.

Corporate Jargon Phobia

When sports executives use words like “alignment” and “synergy,” I immediately assume the worst. I am currently lying on the floor in a dark room with a cold washcloth over my eyes. If they release a follow-up statement, please don’t show it to me.