FIFA just dropped the official schedule, group matchups, and dates for the 2026 World Cup in North America. There are 48 teams. There are 104 matches. They are playing across three different countries. I opened Microsoft Excel to try and map out my viewing schedule, and my computer immediately made a loud whirring noise and the screen went black. Even my hard drive is having a panic attack.
Too Much Geography
How am I supposed to track a tournament that stretches from Vancouver to Mexico City to Miami? I get confused trying to navigate the layout of my local grocery store when they move the cereal aisle. I am going to have to learn the concept of time zones all over again. What time is a 4:00 PM kickoff in Guadalajara when I live in Florida? I don’t know. Nobody knows. Time is a construct invented to torture sports fans.
The Burden of 48 Teams
I don’t have the mental capacity to care about 48 different national teams. I barely have enough emotional bandwidth to care about my own extended family. Now I have to pretend to know the tactical nuances of the defensive midfield of the United Arab Emirates? I am going to be so exhausted by the time the Round of 32 starts that I might slip into a coma.
