Hockey used to be a simple, violent game that I watched through the cracks of my fingers. But the NHL just announced they are abolishing the traditional penalty box. Instead, players who commit a foul must now sit cross-legged in a designated “Time Out Corner” located directly next to the opposing team’s bench. While in the corner, they are required to fill out a worksheet reflecting on why they chose violence and how it made them feel.
Too Much Vulnerability
I cannot handle this level of emotional vulnerability on national television. I watch sports to avoid thinking about my feelings, not to watch a 240-pound Canadian enforcer chew on a pencil while trying to articulate his inner sadness after cross-checking someone into the boards. When I was seven, my mom put me in a time-out corner because I refused to eat my peas, and I cried for an hour. Now, I have to watch grown men with missing teeth undergo localized psychotherapy on the ice?
The Horrors of the Worksheet
What if they refuse to fill out the worksheet? Do they get a double minor? Does the referee have to put a gold star sticker on their helmet when they successfully identify their emotions? This is a psychological nightmare. I don’t want to know that the guy who just started a bench-clearing brawl is actually just feeling “insecure and misunderstood.” Keep your feelings buried deep down inside, just like I do. It’s the only way to survive.
you fools 🙂
