My television just broke the news, and I am currently staring blankly at the wall. Because of their catastrophic, embarrassing lack of postseason success over the last three decades, Roger Goodell has officially adopted the European soccer model. The Dallas Cowboys have been forcibly relegated. They are no longer an NFL team. Starting in August, they will be playing a full conference schedule in the collegiate SEC.
Jerry Jones is Weeping
I saw a clip of Jerry Jones on the news. He wasn’t even angry; he was just staring into the middle distance, clutching a customized Cowboys-branded tissue. How is Dak Prescott going to handle a hostile road environment against the Vanderbilt Commodores? Will they let Micah Parsons stay in a college dorm? The logistical nightmare of an NFL franchise traveling to Starkville, Tennessee is going to keep me awake for weeks.
The Ultimate Humiliation
The worst part is, I’m not even confident the Cowboys can win the SEC. I am fully preparing myself to watch the Georgia Bulldogs defensive line absolutely dismantle the Dallas offensive front on a Saturday afternoon on ESPN. I don’t even like the Cowboys, but watching a billion-dollar professional enterprise lose to a bunch of 19-year-old sophomores is going to give me overwhelming secondhand embarrassment. I am going to have to disconnect my cable so I don’t accidentally witness the collapse of a dynasty.
you fools 🙂
