I was watching the Dodgers game on my laptop, and Shohei Ohtani ripped a 115-mph foul ball directly into the camera lens behind home plate. I physically ducked under my desk. The camera shattered, but I am convinced the ball was meant for my forehead. He knows I didn’t draft him in fantasy.
No Screen is Safe
The man can pitch, he can hit, and apparently, he can break the fourth wall and reach through the internet to threaten my physical safety. I am now watching the rest of the season from a 45-degree angle behind a reinforced couch cushion.
A Very Expensive Threat
He makes hundreds of millions of dollars. He doesn’t need to intimidate a guy in a studio apartment eating stale crackers. I get it, Shohei, you’re the best. Please spare me.
