Guardians rookie Chase DeLauter just experienced my literal worst nightmare. He stepped into the batter’s box against Shohei Ohtani, the most terrifying entity in professional sports, and immediately fouled a 100-mph pitch directly off his own foot. He hobbled off the field in agony, and I am currently sitting on my couch, clutching my own instep, rocking back and forth in pure terror.
Ohtani is Too Powerful
Shohei Ohtani’s pitches are weapons of mass destruction. He throws a baseball with so much velocity that it violates the Geneva Convention. Poor Chase DeLauter was just trying to do his job. He was just a guy, standing there, holding a piece of wood, and Ohtani launched a dense sphere of yarn and leather at his extremities. I am so scared of Shohei Ohtani. If I saw him walking down the street, I would immediately hand him my wallet and my social security card just to avoid his wrath.
The Fragility of the Human Foot
The human foot is made up of 26 tiny, fragile bones. A baseball is a solid rock covered in cowhide. When those two things intersect at 100 miles per hour, tragedy is the only outcome. I am never taking off my shoes again. I am ordering steel-toed boots from Amazon right now, and I am going to wear them in the shower. You cannot be too careful when Ohtani is on the mound.
