The Philadelphia Eagles’ head coach and general manager gave the exact same, coordinated answer denying the A.J. Brown trade rumors. It was a united front. It made me realize that absolutely no one is generating fake rumors about my life. I am completely irrelevant to the global news cycle.
I Want to Be Traded
Why can’t “league sources” report that Kip Drordy is highly dissatisfied with his current apartment layout and is seeking a trade to a duplex with better natural light? Why doesn’t Adam Schefter tweet that I am holding out of social obligations until my friends buy me dinner? Oh, right. I don’t have friends.
The PR Spin
I wish I had a PR team to deny things for me. “Kip Drordy is fully committed to eating this entire bag of chips. Any reports suggesting he will save some for tomorrow are categorically false.” That would make me feel so important.
