Arsenal’s Injury List Is Longer Than My Grocery List and Neither Make Me Happy

I just checked the Arsenal injury update, and the list of sidelined players is officially longer than my weekly grocery list. At least my grocery list ends with me getting snacks; Arsenal’s list just ends with me crying into a pillow.

A Hospital Ward

It seems like every time an Arsenal player steps onto the pitch, a new hamstring spontaneously detonates. They don’t need a new tactical formation; they need a team of orthopedic surgeons and a miracle worker. I am tired of reading medical bulletins.

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Kip Drordy
Kip Drordy

Kip Drordy is 234sport’s most anxious and overly dedicated sports columnist. He approaches every match—preseason or otherwise—as if the fate of humanity depends on it. When he’s not writing 2,000‑word essays about bench players, he can be found refreshing live stats at a medically concerning pace. Kip believes every substitution is “season‑defining,” every corner kick is “a turning point,” and every reader is a potential friend. Please be his friend. Follow Kip on Facebook

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