Vinícius Júnior Has a Slight Knock and I Have Diagnosed Him With 17 Imaginary Ailments

Reports out of Spain say Vinícius Júnior is dealing with “muscular discomfort.” I am not a medical professional, but I spent thirty minutes on WebMD and I am now convinced his legs are going to fall off. I have self-diagnosed him with 17 different imaginary ailments.

The WebMD Spiral

When a star player gets injured, my brain skips right past “rest and ice” and goes straight to “career-ending localized muscular implosion.” I am sending thoughts, prayers, and unsolicited medical advice to Madrid.

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