Alabama’s AD Says the SEC Championship Run Its Course and I Agree, Everything Should End
The Athletic Director at Alabama just dropped a bombshell, saying that the SEC Championship game has “run its course” and maybe they should get rid…
The Jaguars Are Moving to Orlando for a Year and I Am Terrified of the Mascot Synergy
The NFL owners have unanimously voted to allow the Jacksonville Jaguars to play their 2027 home games in Orlando while their stadium undergoes renovations. Orlando.…
Phil Mickelson Bowed Out of the Masters and I Wish I Could Bow Out of Society
News broke this afternoon that Phil Mickelson has officially bowed out of the Masters due to a “personal health matter.” I don’t know what is…
Royals Catcher Carter Jensen Overslept and I Have Never Related to an Athlete More
Stop the presses. The Kansas City Royals had to scratch catcher Carter Jensen from the starting lineup against the Twins today because he literally overslept…
The Dolphins and Raiders Are Valued at $10 Billion and My Brain Just Shut Down
Financial reports just dropped indicating that both the Miami Dolphins and the Las Vegas Raiders have surpassed a $10 billion valuation in recent minority stake…
Anthony Edwards Got Bit by the NBA Awards Rule and I Get Bit by Life Every Day
Anthony Edwards is officially the latest NBA star to be disqualified from end-of-season awards because he didn’t meet the league’s strict 65-game minimum requirement. He…
Tiger Woods Talked to Trump After His Wreck and No One Calls Me When I Trip Over the Rug
I just read that Tiger Woods said he was talking to President Trump after his recent car wreck. Let me just process this for a…
Frank Ragnow Has to Repay His Signing Bonus and I Am Having a Panic Attack About My Bank Account
Lions center Frank Ragnow is reportedly being forced to repay a massive portion of his signing bonus due to a complex contractual grievance, and the…
Kirk Cousins Signed With the Raiders and I Am Moving to the Desert to Be His Friend
So the news just dropped that Kirk Cousins is officially a Las Vegas Raider on a 5-year, $172 million deal. Let that sink into your…
The NFL Scrapped Dual Monday Night Games Because Even They Knew I Couldn’t Handle It
Thank the heavens above. The NFL has officially announced they are scrapping the dual Monday Night Football games because they concluded fans felt “conflicted to…
Aaron Glenn Says Geno Smith Will Lead Jets to ‘The Promised Land’ and I Physically Gagged
Aaron Glenn, the new head coach of the New York Jets, just stood at a podium and boldly declared that Geno Smith—in his second act…
Aaron Rodgers Hasn’t Made a Decision Yet and I Am Being Held Emotionally Hostage
The Steelers owner just announced that he “expects” a decision from Aaron Rodgers before the NFL Draft. Oh, thank you so much for the update.…