The NFL is Partnering With Tiger Woods for Flag Football and My Brain is Short-Circuiting
The NFL confirmed a massive flag football partnership with Tiger Woods’ TMRW Sports. What does this mean? Are they tackling on the putting green? Is…
Super Bowl LXIII is in Las Vegas and I Already Feel Overstimulated
The NFL announced that Super Bowl LXIII will be held at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas. I read the headline and immediately had to turn…
NFL Owners Want an 18-Game Schedule Because They Feed on My Exhaustion
Patriots and Colts owners have publicly voiced support for expanding the NFL regular season to 18 games. Do they not realize that watching 17 games…
The Eagles Deny A.J. Brown Trade Rumors, But Who Is Denying My Trade Rumors?
The Philadelphia Eagles’ head coach and general manager gave the exact same, coordinated answer denying the A.J. Brown trade rumors. It was a united front.…
Kyle Shanahan is Sad About Going to Australia, But At Least He Gets to Leave the House
San Francisco 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan was reportedly “down” and frustrated that his team has to travel to Australia to open the NFL season.…
Knicks vs. Rockets is Streaming Exclusively on Peacock and No One Will Give Me Their Password
Tonight’s marquee matchup between the New York Knicks and the Houston Rockets is streaming exclusively on Peacock. I do not have Peacock. I asked the…
Nmecha Misses the World Cup and I Am Projecting My Own Fear of Missing Out Onto Him
Lukas Nmecha is officially out of the World Cup due to injury. I read the news and immediately felt a crushing wave of FOMO (Fear…
The 2026 World Cup is Coming and I Don’t Have Enough Snacks Stockpiled
The 2026 World Cup is rapidly approaching, and it’s being hosted in North America. Do you understand what this means? The matches are going to…
Poch’s USMNT Future is Uncertain, Just Like My Wi-Fi Connection
The media is swarming with rumors about Mauricio Pochettino’s future as the manager of the USMNT. The uncertainty is palpable. Will he stay? Will he…
Enzo Fernandez Might Go to Madrid and I Am Overwhelmed by the Financial Logistics
Rumors are suggesting Enzo Fernandez might be Madrid-bound in another astronomical transfer deal. I tried to calculate the amortization of his contract using a napkin…
Fantasy Baseball is the Most Complex Punishment I Have Ever Endured
I signed up for a Fantasy Baseball league because an automated email invited me and I thought it meant I was popular. I was wrong.…
The Leafs Avenged Auston Matthews and I Wish Someone Would Avenge Me
Auston Matthews took a cheap shot, and immediately, four Toronto Maple Leafs players descended upon the offender like a pack of rabid wolves, throwing off…