The Wolverines Are on an Elite Run and I Need a Brown Paper Bag

Michigan is in the Elite Eight, and I am currently breathing heavily into a Kroger paper bag. I wasn’t prepared for them to be this good. When a team gets on a run like this, the emotional stakes rise exponentially, and I simply don’t have the emotional infrastructure to handle it.

A Looming Disaster

Every time they hit a three-pointer, I don’t cheer. I just wince, knowing that the eventual, inevitable heartbreak is going to be so much worse. Success is just a trap. It’s a very tall, athletic trap wearing maize and blue, and I am terrified.

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