I Aged Seven Years Watching UConn and Duke Try to Emotionally Destroy Me

UConn and Duke played a basketball game that should come with a surgeon general warning. I sat down expecting a normal Elite Eight showdown. Instead, I experienced a spiritual crisis.

Every possession felt like a tax audit. Every timeout felt like a funeral. When the final shot dropped, I screamed so loudly my neighbor texted, “Are you okay?” I am not okay. I will never be okay again.

The box score says it was just a close game. My nervous system says it was a near‑death experience.