I Tried to Process Tiger’s DUI News and Accidentally Wrote a 4,000‑Word Essay
When the Tiger news broke, I gasped so hard I swallowed a cough drop whole. I sat down to write a short update. Instead, I…
Kip Drordy
I'm known as 234sport’s most anxious and overly dedicated sports columnist. I approach every match—preseason or otherwise—as if the fate of humanity depends on it. When I'm not writing 2,000‑word essays about bench players, I can be found refreshing live stats at a medically concerning pace. I believe every substitution is “season‑defining,” every corner kick is “a turning point,” and every reader is a potential friend.
My Final Four Dreams Are Just Nightmares Where I Forgot My Pants
People keep asking me who my “Final Four Dreams” are. I don’t have Final Four dreams. I have a recurring nightmare where I’m forced to…
My Bracket Is Dead and So Am I
I checked my bracket this morning. It flatlined. No pulse. No hope. I had Illinois losing early, UConn losing late, and Duke losing always. I…
I Aged Seven Years Watching UConn and Duke Try to Emotionally Destroy Me
UConn and Duke played a basketball game that should come with a surgeon general warning. I sat down expecting a normal Elite Eight showdown. Instead,…
UConn Hit a Historic Buzzer Beater and My Soul Temporarily Left My Body
I was standing in my living room holding a lukewarm cup of coffee when UConn’s shot went up. The ball hung in the air for…
I Spent Four Hours Analyzing a Substitution That Didn’t Matter and Now I Can’t Sleep
Last night, a manager made a substitution in the 84th minute. A harmless, routine, “let’s give the kid some minutes” kind of change. For normal…
I Watched a Preseason Friendly Like It Was the Champions League Final and I Regret Nothing
I know what you’re thinking: “Kip, it’s just preseason. Calm down.” And to that I say: absolutely not. Last night I watched a preseason friendly…